Monday, November 21, 2011

Poop on a morning from hell..

Hello all you fantastic blog readers - Before I begin to explain how absolutely ridiculous my monday morning was Im going to state - that..:::::: I love my life. I love my husband. I love my job. I love my kids. I love my dogs. I am thankful each and everyday at how absolutely wonderfully blessed I am to have a healthy living beautiful family each day to grow with:::::: ON that Note - I am going to walk you through my morning today and let me know if it gave you a laugh ;) it certainly did not for me... well until writing it down of course.

7AM - little feet down the hall, feel warm breath on my face and a little voice whisper -"hi mommy.." little eyes pearing at me as I take my big puffy comfy pillow and cover my head and say.. "please girls.. give me one more minuet..jump on daddy"...and they reply with "but he's not here." Suddenly my head pops up and look across the bed to realize NO! he's not here..  and this is what plays through my head "he's not home from work yet.. shift ends at 2am, which means something bad happened.... oh no Daddy will now be nonexistent  until whatever case he is dealing with passes... oh please don't be something bad, I hope nobody died? maybe its just a car accident.. maybe he's just catching up on files at the office.. yah thats defiantly what he's doing, tomorrow day off doesn't want to be behind.. no come on, get serious Kait.. its -33 out there he's not just AT WORK. something happened.. PHONE!" So I run down the hall to dial the his number, he answers - "HI?..where are you? are you okay?" "Yah, Im fine.. might be a while yet..but I gotta go..I love you" "oh...okay" *click*
So as much as I hate hearing him saying things like that the I love you at the end is always the best part..
So I brush my tail feathers off and have and go to start my coffee-
7:15AM - walk over to my coffee maker located by my kitchen window and not only was it chilly I literally FEEL wind on my face..I shutter at how flippin cold I am in my own freakin house.. push start on my coffee maker.. doesn't work. push it again..doesn't work...3rd time's a charm push it again.. look - it's not plugged in.. we're on a roll!

7:30AM - Reese: "Mommy, Im STARVING..I need to eat right now, right now mommy! MOmmy MOMMY MOMMY!!!!!"..... pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter... Keeonah&Phoenix are standing at my feet both starring at me saying in their heads "you know, if you don't take us outside right now to do our business, we're going to shit all over your house and chew your furniture, and maybe even jump on your bed with our dirty stinky paws and turn around in circles a million times until we get the perfect comfy position, so take me out right now...!!" I look at my girls.. then look back at my dogs, and seriously THEY WOULD! open the door a crack - HOLY BANANA'S it's cold out there.. put my layers on, boots, hats, mits, jacket, scarf -put keeonah on the leash - at that final second norah throw's herself on the floor in tears because she wants to come with mommy.."mommy will be right back I promise, Im so sorry" meanwhile the phone rings - It's Justin HOORAY! "Ill be home in about an hour leaving right now..just need to do a few things at the office once I get back first" *insert mini happy dance*
stand outside trying to hook Keeonah onto the outside leash so she can go 'pee in peace' cause like a lady, refuses to do her business with someone watching HOW DARE WE! but of course it's FLIPPING FROZEN cause, clearly the temperatures are below Antarctica out there! so I have to run back in forth in my backyard with my PJ's at 7:30am to get her worked up enough that she HAS to poop! Phoenix is long time done his business cause he could care less if you watch him and is howling to go inside cause it's freezing cold.. Keeonah's done.. back inside we go - my nose hairs are at the moment all frozen together and I swear, if I pee'd my pants I probably would have pee'd frozen Pee! (the reason WHY I have to take them out on a leash is because our FENCE IS NOT DONE BECAUSE MY HUSBAND IS ALWAYS WORKKKKKKKING!)

7:55AM- feed my kids dry toast with peanut butter and cut up strawberries that NEED to be eaten today or else my dogs won't even eat them.. yup mother of the year today! sit down and drink my coffee, so exhausted that the smell of it gives me a high not even a 20 year drug addict could appreciate.

8:45AM -sit down at my computer...mmm take a sip - skype with my girlfriend for a few moments before I hear Norah yell "POOOOOOP" AHH - go to see that not only did Phoenix JUST poop outside, he poop'd INSIDE as well.. and nope not on the floor but on the girls PILLOW! (this is where it get's REAL good) come back say bye to my skype friend, and then have to dispose of this poop on a pillow - good thing is I can just pick up the pillow and throw the poop outside and then bye bye pillow to the dump you go - by the way, I have yet to get dressed.. still in my PJ's

9:00AM - Pick up pillow... Open -30 air chilling door.. fold pillow slightly in half before tossing the poop off the deck into the snow covered grown - and Release Pillow, BIG GUST OF WIND - POOP SLINGSHOTS back from the wind and lands ONNNNN MYYYYY HOUSE!!!!!!!!! YUP that's right everyone, my blood pressure is rising just typing this, I flung hot steamy mushy poop off a pillow directly on the side of my house.."YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!" I yelled as it echoed through the streets of spiritwood "OH MY GOSH!!!! AAAAHHHH!!" I run back inside to try and figure what the heck Im going to do with this POOP on my house.. I grab the BBQ Spatula (still in jammies with housecoat on) run back outside LEAN over the railing and try to scrape it off, but of course.. like the pee would have frozen 'if i pee'd myself' the poop FROZE to the side of the house "you've got to be shitting me...literally" I say out loud as Im leaning over scrapping this crap off my house and cursing all at once. I hear my kids crying cause their hungry, the dog yelping cause I just gave him a lickin' and me scraping POOP that is STILL to this second still frozen to the side of my house...
sorry if this gross's you out.. but I bet its better then scraping poop off the side of your HOUSE!

9:25AM- I barge back into the house run to the phone and dial.... my husband "hello?" me, "YOU NEED TO COME HOME RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! - I Swear if you do not finish that fence I am going to pay someone $1000 to do it TODAY! I JUST HAD TO SCRAPE SHIT OFF THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE!!AND DON'T ASK WHY, JUST GET HOME NOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!" "ok im coming right now!"   *CLICK*

10:00AM- CRASH! BANG!! CRASH!!! crying.... - I run down the hall to see my girls have pushed Justin's hockey bag, then proceeded to put stool's on top of it so they could reach the wrapped Christmas gifts located on the TOP shelf in the hall closet.. "IM GOING TO LOOSE IT, YOU TWO BETTER GET DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!!!!"

10:15AM - Justin walks in from work... all is well with the world!


  1. Dude. The funniest part of this right now is that you googled "Poo" to find that picture, didn't you? xo

  2. HAHAHAHAH Kate I just laughed out loud at your comment.. and *shake my head in shame* Yes... Yes I did....

  3. My actual google search was "Dog Poop stuck to house" but because, this would ONLY happen to me and nobody on this earth to even take a picture to post on google.. i did not find a picture.. so maybe I should take one so Google can have one for the next person this happens to and wants to blog about it, and is to embarrassed to take a picture during the moment.

  4. HOKYFREAKINGDINA MOLY TOLY!!! SERIOUSLY!!?? and WHY may I ASK did you not tell me this so I couuld have LAUGHED ALL DAY!???
    love you- your hilarious, we have ALL had days like that.. (um haven't scraped poop off the side of my house- BUT at least it dint land in your face..) BAHAHAHHA you googled POO!!!! HAHAHHAH (uCLEARLY A BAD DAY!)

  5. I am still laughing...... second time ........ wiped my eyes so many times so I could see the screen.... and laugh some more...... Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

  6. LOL...Oh Kait...I nearly peed myself. Must be a Phinney Poop Monday cause I had a similar day. Chris and I found a tiny 5 week old kitten under the car and we are determined to find him a home - He uses his litter box well...however...He has long fur and he had a real dingle berry problem - Needless to say - imagine your entire bathroom covered in brown swirl marks all over - as Skipper chased his jingle ball while dragging his dingle berries all over the floor - But at least i didn't have to deal with frozen poop LOL